One of the hardest things to
deal with since I found out my cancer came back is the fact that so many people
have no idea what stage 4 means. Heck, I
didn’t even know and I had cancer!
“You’ll beat it” and “You
don’t look sick”
Yeah, there’s no beating
stage 4 breast cancer. It’s
terminal. There is no cure. But people don’t understand this because
they’re right, I don’t look sick. And
most days I feel pretty good. When we
found my cancer had spread and we started telling family and friends, everyone wanted to
come see me and they were always shocked to see I wasn’t on my deathbed. I looked perfectly healthy.
The truth is this cancer will
kill me. Eventually I will look
sick.
Are you confused? So was I.
Stage 4 cancer differs from all other stages because of the fact that
treatment is aimed at extending life as long as possible by suppressing cancer
growth. Let me break it down.
Sage 4 Explained
What does stage 4 mean?

If your cancer has spread to the bone, isn’t it bone
cancer?
When breast cancer has spread
to another part of the body it is still considered breast cancer because the
cells are breast cancer cells. When my
cancer came back and it was discovered in the bones I had a CT guided bone
biopsy done. This is a rather
uncomfortable procedure. I had to lay
face down on a table and stay very still.
They sent me into a machine for a CT scan so the doctor could find a
bone with cancer that was easy to access.
The winner was my hip. Still
laying face down and staying perfectly still, the doctor used a syringe to numb
the area then he took a very long needle with a small drill at the end and went
to work. You don’t actually feel anything
until the needle hits bone. You can definitely
feel that. The drill takes a core from
the bone where the cancer is. This was
repeated 3 times. Once the cancer sample
was collected was sent to a lab for testing.
The testing tells doctors whether the cancer cells are breast cancer
cells or a new cancer like bone cancer.
The biopsy confirmed the cancer in my bones is the breast cancer from my
original diagnosis.
How can you be terminal if treatment is working?
My breast cancer is the most
common and treatable kind, Estrogen receptor positive.
There are quite a few different drugs that can be used in the fight
against it. The tricky part is, cancer
is an evil uninvited guest that eventually becomes resistant to everything in
your arsenal. Every drug you use will
eventually stop working. My doctor
describes it as a string of beads. Each
bead represents a different treatment option.
As you work your way down the beads of treatment, you take the beads off
once they stop working and move on to the next one. Eventually you will get to the end of the
line. What happens when you get to the
end of the string of beads? No more
options. This is what terminal
means. The goal of treatment is not to
“beat cancer”. The goal is to hold it
off as long as possible. This doesn’t
mean I’m going to die tomorrow. It’s
important to understand that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Some people will have a huge response to
treatment while others have none. Some
people live months while others live decades.
Breast cancer is unpredictable. I
don’t look sick because the chemo I’m on is doing its job and forcing cancer to
retreat, but eventually the cancer will outsmart it and I’ll move onto another
weapon in the fight against it.
What comes after chemo?
No one can do chemo forever. The goal of chemo is to get cancer under
control and kill as much as possible.
The ultimate goal is NED, No Evidence of Disease. This does not mean there’s no cancer. When you are stage 4 there’s always going to
be cancer lurking in your body. NED
simply means the chemo has killed enough that you can no longer see it in a
scan. Once we have the cancer “under
control” I will have my ovaries removed and move on to hormone therapy and targeted therapy Arimidex and
Ibrance. These two drugs are taken by
mouth and work against cancer from two different angle. Their goal is to hold the cancer at bay. Starve and kill it so it won’t grow
again. Ibrance is a new drug that was
recently FDA approved last year and is showing promise in treating metastatic
breast cancer. Our hope is that these
drugs will not only work (remember everyone’s different and some people won’t
respond to certain drugs) but will work for a very long time!
When does treatment end?
Never. It will never end. Whether it be chemo or pills, I will forever
be in treatment keeping the cancer at bay.
A small price to pay to live as long as possible to see my babies
grow. If I stop treatment I give the
cancer permission to infest and spread.
But you don't look sick.
So how long do you have?
Your guess is as good as
mine. People are scared of this
question. They want to ask it, but they
don’t of course. I can give you all the
statistics in the world like the average survival for someone like me is 2-3 years or that I have a 22% chance of surviving 5 years. The truth is no one knows how long I have
except God himself. My oncologist did
say that my initial response has a significant impact on my overall
survival. The better the response, the
better the prognosis. There are women
who live well beyond what is expected and newer drugs are slowly making their
way to the hands of metastatic breast cancer patients.
What should I do to help?
A few months back, I went to
church with my sister and her family.
While there, they called me to the front during the service and the
entire congregation prayed for me. This
is by far one of the most spiritually uplifting experiences I have ever
had. Powerful. A few days later I began receiving text
messages from a church member named Rose.
She happened to be there that day and somehow got my number. She has texted me religiously every single
week since. She sends me the kindest
words of encouragement that I have come to look forward to and rely on for
support. A complete stranger does this. I
recently met her in person and I am forever grateful to her. I am shocked myself by how powerful these
messages have been in my life. The point
is, find something you can do and do it.
Don’t ask what you can do to help.
Chances are the person will NEVER REALLY TELL YOU. Find something that you can do that will be
helpful and is within your ability.

Is it oaky to talk about it and ask questions?
Yes, yes it is. At least it is in my case. It’s definitely okay to talk about, just be
sensitive and honest. If you have a
question you want to ask, but you’re not sure it’s okay, then say that. “Hey, I had a question, but I’m not sure it’s
oaky to ask and I don’t want to hurt your feelings or make you upset”. I’ve had
people come and visit after finding out my cancer is back and then not ask me a
single question about it. They’d avoid
the topic like the plague, and of course, I wouldn’t bring it up either because
I don’t ever want to make someone feel uncomfortable. Coincidentally, that’s probably the reason
they did’t bring it up either. It’s OKAY
to ask questions. It’s OKAY to talk
about it. Trust me, anyone going through
illness just wants you to understand what they are going through.